It's just past noon time and I've replied to emails and sent a few photo's to a cousin in NY. Fed the birds & squirrels outback and fixed 2 eggs, bacon, and toast for breakfast. Need to write a llst of priorities and get it done before I turn in my car to the bank. Still no funds and I won't ask to borrow from family or friends as they already been wonderful to help me with the electric, phone, and printer ink and paper for the upcoming occupational illness claim. They have bills and enough is enough. Bottled water, food and whatever else I can think of today that will help me go without transportation. Feel like a soldier who's digging in and waiting for the enemy to surface or make the first offensive move. With bad health and the falling of those comforts many take for granted, I can only wait on SSA now to see how bad thing will get before they get better... Will be writing again soon. Love and peace to all.
- posted by mikey046 @ 12:50 PM

 
Waking up early with reeling thoughts of what familiar comfort will vanish next? My car, the electric, phone or my home of 20 years? I stayed up late trying to put thoughts into order to write a letter to an attorney about rescinded disability insurance on the auto loan (see 9/20/03 entry!). Won't do any good in time, but at least I stated my point of view to somebody. So lets see.... Auto Payments 2 months behind, same with phone. Mortgage about that or more, and elec is one month behind or about $1,600 in the negative while waiting for medical evaluation from SSA to complete. About 114 days of waiting to date on the medical review since SSA received my claim form. No income for approx. 120 days! Can't neglect mention of $130.00 dollars of medical co-pays and doing without 1/2 of the meds due to the cost of my co-pays. Again, the Occupational Illness Claim is the only thing that's even kept me in a position to receive medical care where waiting for SSA Dsiability. Things would be much worse by now if that claim and the company's attorney wanting to go the distance allowed by Florida Comp Law for investigation which gives 120 days for this plus some extra time if the court has to schedule a mediation. Of course this also drags out the co. paying the 66 2/3 % of lost wage earning too. So strange for my mind to stay so busy bothering remembering it all. The body is so exhausted and tires so fast! Soon the mind will follow when it realizes there's little usefulness in fighting the system. I still suspect the car will go back to the dealer, no time, energy or money to battle Resource Life on the issue. The phone and elec will eventually be cut off and SSA will as common practice deny my claim forcing the extra time of my appeal... I have no choices but to wait and continue praying for a little luck or handout along this journey. I remain humbled by family and friends who've tried to help... Another clearing of thoughts in my blog spot! Love and peace to all....
- posted by mikey046 @ 5:28 AM

 
Started my day as usual with a walk to the bird and squirrel feeder to replenish their food. Sat and watched my wild feathered and furry friends eat and then came back to the house. Had the sluggish feeling all morning so got the dishes washed and next thing I know it's time to get ready for a Dr. appointment. Soon I'm at the Dr.'s (my Neurologist) to review the MRI findings. A couple of disc buldges, splinters blah, blah and a name to a pain management Dr. Oh, and some blood test just before heading home... Rested a bit and the phone rang so when I answered it was the Dr.'s wanting me to comeback and redo the blood test. The first blood taken was put in the wrong viles. Figured it's all important and stuff so I rested and made my way back to the Dr.'s gave the blood when I got home I hit the bed and slept for about an hour. Got up, went to the mailbox hoping for goodnews and found the car payment past due notice and another past due notice and a few pieces of junk mail. So my moment of hope and anticipation went to a "how the hell I'm I going to survive this?" Thinking back that March thru April my earnings had dropped to almost nothing and from June until the present I've had no income what so ever.... Every bill is late and there's nothing I can do except wait for diabilty from SSA. The Occupational Illness claim is being stalled by the comany's insurance carrier so that could take a year. The vision of living in my home with no electric, phone and without transportation is more vivid. Such a huge change and the final blow of course will be the mortgage foreclosure summons. Where will I live and what will I do? So today is a bummer day, no silver lining is obvious yet I walk in faith something good will happen or come in time.... If not, there's a better place waiting in the transformation of this life into another .....in the twinkling of an eye it will one day happen. Love and peace to all!
- posted by mikey046 @ 7:10 PM

 
Wow people, where does the time go? Not much new really, however SSA is scheduling another test for me to go to called a DLCO Test! Don't know if it's a good thing or not regarding my disability claim, but at least it gives me some hope. Earlier this week I called the local SSA Office and Florida's Children & Family Services regarding help for the elec and ph bill just while the SSA folks continue to probe my claim and me for disability. Well finally they came right out and told me, it doesn't matter for an adult single man with no income as they don't offer any benefit to such. However if I had a dependent or child there are cash benefits... So I guess the theory is, if your an adult and single it doesn't matter if your living without elec and phone or those personal items such as toothpaste and soap or shaving cream and razors. I just don't understand it to tell the truth and feel so isolated, left out and discriminated against in this process. As I said, last week I'm not going to let it get me down as the disease I have does that enough on it's own. Did have some good news that helped me get through another month connected to the internet. It's really much more to me than just a connection a web surf. It's life because when nobody's around or I'm scared, I can get online and find something or somebody to take my mind off the bad stuff that's going on. Or look at my digital photo's online or let loose and write here!!! To tell the truth, a room a bed and a pc with an ISP is enough to make me content at this stage... oh some electricity too! You know what I mean? But none the less it's been one scarey 6 months for me. Not the disease or worry about dying, but the waiting for SSA and knowing everything like home, car and belongings are a moment away from being gone. Fear of homelessness or not getting an inhaler or other meds. Just total chaos goes through my mind now on a daily basis. When my sisters or friends feel it necessary to send money it breaks my heart, because for the most part they can't afford to carry me. It means their suffering or doing without to help out. It's wonderful to know and receive such, but painful just the same. I've done life on my own without much help at all since my 17th birthday. The 'good' in this is that people do care and that's good to see, because sometimes it doesn't feel that way... Posted some new photo's, nothing great mind you...just fun and a joy posting to share. Click here to see if you'd like.
- posted by mikey046 @ 11:15 PM

 
Ok lovely people, I'm going to get through all this somehow. I'm going to find a happy way to end this life before passing into another one. I'm sorry my post have been down and negative. But, when insurance companies trick and screw you, and our health and diability help systems take so very long while the few things you have are about to be taken away it's hard to stay positive. Oh, not forgetting what got me here, the Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease and Emphysema that can take the energy from you without warning while leaving you weak, unable to breath and hitting that wall of just not being able to think or move or function! Together you, me and my BlogSpot, will make it GOOD! Maybe some really good news will arrive by Monday and if not, I'll be in better spirits.........promise!!! Hugs, love and peace to all.......

mikewage@hotmail.com
- posted by mikey046 @ 10:15 PM

 
In spite of being on life's low and sick side, posting my email address here has done little good except bring my inbox
new spam. Stupid shit like penis enlargement ads, breast ads, oh and loan and credit repair ads... how sick, how cold, how cruel and selfish. Rather find a kind word, a poem or better yet, instead of spam email send me something I can use like a penny or two, who knows, if I get enough of them I can pay my way out of this mess. Or better still please send that insurance co. that denied my disability benefits cause they found I did see a Dr. during the6 months prior to buying the car. So they say, I don't remember it??? Still if what they say is true, dates and all it wasn't a disability nor did it stop my work. It was the COPD/Emphysema and that's what I place my claim to them under...... so write them instead of sending me spam. Tell them what they did sucks and rings loudly of an intentional clause that allows them to deny benefits to about 90% of all claimants. Those who are denied MOST are the little guys and gals who can't afford the big attorneys or to sick to fight them. Oh here's the address again.
RESOURCE LIFE INSURANCE COMPANY.
P.O. BOX 191248
DALLAS, TEXAS 75219
1 800 621-2101
This co. is dirty in my opinion and the odds are stacked big time against making a claim stick with this co and their clever clauses. How many men 45 and older don't see a Dr. 1 or 2 times per year....ooops that could be a denial because RESOURCE LIFE INSURANCE, CO. may just say, "sorry under the certificate clause you signed you stated you were in perfect health and haven't been under or seen ANY Dr. or been TREATED by ANY DR. etc.!!!!!!!" Back, heart, blood pressure, etc. all fall under the ANY ILLNESS AND/OR ANY TREATMENT AND/OR AS SEEN BY A PHYSICIAN. Write or call this co. and ask them how that clause works really????????
mikewage@hotmail.com
- posted by mikey046 @ 10:06 PM

 
mikewage@hotmail.com It's all starting to feel hopeless... My home is in forecloseure, the disability benefits on my auto loan denied, my electric and phone bills arrived with suspension and disconnection of service came today in the mail. I've heard nothing from SSI, SSA who I so much had hoped would have helped. Nothing! I read bio's of others with COPD and Emphysema and realize there's not a whole lot to live for... just a life of limitations and breathlessness. I won't have the energy to fight my way through these systems again. I won't even try! So knowing I can't do much of anything to earn a living what's left to do? What's left to look forward too? So at 46 years old, I don't see any "golden years" ahead. Don't see many years of anykind ahead. For tonight, I just want to drink from this bottle of Red Wine I've been saving for a few years now and forget about the day, the system that's not helping and taking forever and get shit faced all by myself. I can't sleep so maybe a big glasses of this wine will help....yes, I'm feeling sorry for my sorry self. I worked hard for over thirty years and now everybody and everything is almost gone with nowhere to go except down!!! No home, no car, no money, and a whole lot of energy and time wasted on trying to get help through our Social Security System which I'm proud to say I paid taxes on every year since 1973: A thought for you young folks, please save and invest some of your earnings and never, never believe the so called system to help the disabled will be there for you. Even if it is, you may die before they can make a decision that will help you continue your life with some dignity and independance.... Sorry, feeling down today in the worst way....not feeling to good about the future or the journey ahead! Thanks for reading this...your a brave soul if you do...
- posted by mikey046 @ 10:44 PM

 
I talked to the attorney today about about the Occupational Illness. We have our upcoming court date for mediation. I wanted to know where I stood and what to expect. Nothing comforting was talked about. My employer has never sent me the MSDS copies requested or did they send a handbook of policies and proceedures as required by the State of Florida law. What was more disappointing was the law offices hadn't reviewed the part about what to ask for regarding working conditions and environments for my disease. I can't weld or be in chemical and fume environments anymore. Can't cut and fabricate steels for the mill with the torch or work out in the plant. Maybe I'm just over reacting, but it seems to me the lawyers should know what my needs are so they can discuss what I can do and where I can do it if physically possible. The air quality and working environment is so important for me and what's left of my lungs. I do know my employer has unlimited resources and doesn't want me to win a thing for it will open doors for others who suffer from lung disorders from the working environment. The co. already has been paying out money for Asbestos Claims and fights those through their insurance companies. Two of my co-workers have breathing disorders. 1. has chronic bronchitis and he's a non-smoker. The other is on oxygen for a sleep disorder which is caused by abnormal breathing when sleeping, also a non-smoker. Our plant has several cases of skin cancers as well and yet another worker with chronic bronchitis who did smoke but quit. And my mentor Harvey of course died with lung disease about 2 years ago!!! My lawyers have yet to gather anything in these area's with our court date set for October. My health limits my activities greatly, but somehow I'll have to obtain some of this information on my own and have it ready. I need to study OSHA Policies, Florida Workers Comp Policies, find a way to get my photo's developed (don't have any money for inks and papers or shop developement!), and get the names of other sick employee's along with their physician's names for using test results if it's ok with the employees. The employee's aren't going to want to do that for fear of co. reaction! Obviously I have to find the strength and energy to do my own work if I can... Pawn some stuff for getting around and getting the documents ready. Then maybe I can relax... Maybe now I can go back to sleep after talking to you......whomever you may be??? Advice, help, contributions will be humbly accepted with open arms. Send your thoughts and idea's! Email me Michael at mikewage@hotmail.com
- posted by mikey046 @ 3:01 AM